Invisible
by CornMuffinMissy
Summary: A short story I wrote on how I've been feeling lately. Please read and review.


_**Invisible**_

___Invisible_

_Forgotten._

_ Ignored_

I'm tired of it.

Being a ghost, being invisible to everyone around me.

My friends, even my best friends-my long lost sisters, are oblivious to it.

The two of them walk side by side, chatting, laughing, and ignoring me.

I walk behind or in front of them, alone. My head hung, fighting the tears that threaten to fall.

I told one, Hayley, the she is my sister.

That I would be _nothing _without her.

That I can't lose her.

What does she do?

She says the same thing;

About _Lauren._

_**Lauren**_

Why does it seem like we're fading away, our friendship is dying? Why does it seem like the glue that holds a friendship together is breaking? Why we are no longer close like we were in 6th and 7th grade?

Why does she have to be so…_perfect?_

Why does she always seem to be there for Hayley?

Why not me?

Why can't they see my pain, the lies I tell?

Why can't they look past the fake smile I plaster on, or hear past the phony laugh that escapes my lips?

Do they see my eyes begging for help?

Why can't they see that inside I just want to cry; that I want to run away and be left alone, or at least go to a place where people actually care about me?

Or are they just too focused on each other's problems that I'm not worth it?

"_Only one person knows me as more than just skin deep. She knows everything. And she understands. She knows who I am-painfully confused. And partly depressed."_

I once didn't know for sure who Hayley was talking about. I honestly thought it was me.

But I have figured out who it is now-Lauren.

Am I just not good enough? What does Lauren do that I don't? I've done everything I can to be an awesome friend to Hayley, while also in my own problems.

And yet it's not good enough for her.

I swear Hayley is my sister; we are BFFL's.

She's always been there for me. I got to her for everything.

She can tell when I'm upset, when I am excited, when I'm mad.

Until now.

Lauren's thrusting her way in, breaking our nearly-impossible-to-break bond.

Now _she's _the one whose Hayley's sister; whose Hayley's BFFL.

_**What am I?**_

I guess I'm just the other one, the friend who tags behind them, pretending to have fun, but is instead battling the internal pain.

Am I really becoming closer to a friend I met over the internet, and have never met, than to my two 'friends' who I've known for two years?

Who I've laughed with, cried with and giggled-at-crushes-with?

_Am I simply not good enough for them?_

I can't get that question out of my head. I'm starting to believe it's true.

_Am I simply not good enough for them? What have I done wrong, Lauren? What has Lauren done to be a better friend, Hayley?_

_**Lauren**_

I'm not jealous of her.

She's just too…perfect.

She's the social butterfly; she's a talented writer and artist; she has a beautiful voice; she _is _beautiful; she can dance; and she's incredibly smart and loved.

She's the friend you would go to for everything.

Everyone loves t be around her. Everyone cares so much about her.

If she were to fall down and scrape her elbow, it's the end of the world.

If _I _were to fall down and actually _hurt _myself, like sprain my ankle, I'd be ignored and expected to tough it out.

I don't envy her. No…it's something else I feel. An emotion I can't explain.

And she's too blind to see it.

Everyone is.

They don't want a bunch of drama so they ignore me; forget me.

_**Maybe that's how it should be.**_

Maybe I should just freaking _give up _on Hayley and Lauren.

The only thing they ever manage to accomplish lately is making me feel worthless.

Maybe I should become who I often describe myself as- an outcast. With two or less friends.

With writing the only way to escape; to express myself.

"_Why aren't you laughing? I couldn't stop laughing!"_

_Well maybe Hayley, the thing was directed only to you, and was only between you and Lauren, not me. Most of the time an inside joke isn't funny if you weren't there when it happened._

"_I just don't see what's funny." I say instead, shrugging, a forced smile on my face._

_** It's pointless, to rant on like this.**_

_**No one cares.**_

If I died they would get over it quickly; too quickly.

So many times I think of cutting; of pressing the rusty blade to my pale wrist, and allowing my precious crimson blood to flow freely.

But something stops me.

Something known as weakness.

I have even thought of suicide, of just concluding my life.

But I don't even get near that action; after all, I have said myself that's its pointless.

_**I've thought about making a list as to why Hayley should live.**_

Truthfully, I want one from her and/or Lauren.

Just so I know I'm not completely worthless.

Now that I've started this, I can't stop.

Each word is like a drop of blood flowing down my arm in a thin river of blood.

I'm finally getting my feelings out; I'm finally writing everything I haven't said out loud.

_**NF**_

A disease that forms tumors in the body, or on the body; a disease I have.

I had two tumors removed and posted I would have surgery, surgery day, on Facebook.

I was expecting more than just three or four people wishing me luck.

At least I know who cares.

_**Robbie**_

_** David**_

_**Jp**_

_** Grant**_

All guys I liked/like.

Boys.

In seventh grade I realized not all of them were ugly, perverted jerks.

No, I realized some of them were cute/hot perverted jerks.

And each one I like or have liked, I'm not good enough for.

_**Robbie**_

He claimed I stalked him.

Lauren, one of my best friends, told me I needed to get over my "obsession."

Those words were like knives thrown at my heart.

Especially when she claimed Rachel, another girl in our class, wasn't obsessed if she had 30 or so photos of him on her iPod. She called that _boredom. _

_**David**_

A fairly cute guy I don't even know.

I liked him for about a month or two, but got over him quickly.

_**J.P.**_

The older bro of my little bro's friend.

_He_ asked _me _what happened to my heavily bandaged shoulder the day I had to go to the E.R. for it; it became infected.

I will never forget how my heart stopped when I saw him, a cute guy in my mind, walk over and ask.

Or how one rainy Friday he flashed probably _me_ a smile. The chance is very high it was to me.

I like him still, and have since the summer. My crush has only gotten stronger, but I know it's time to get over him.

For one, he's a sophomore and I'm in 8th grade yet.

And second, he's in a steady relationship.

_**Grant**_

The adorable, hair-flipping boy in my class.

He's my current crush but I know I should get over it cuz we don't have a chance together.

_**The Holly Ball**_

I'm a wearing a dress (gasp!) that I think I look good in.

I probably can't leave without my mom dragging me into her bathroom and applying makeup onto my face.

I _want _to wear a dress though cuz I want to feel beautiful.

I _want _makeup cuz I want to feel older.

But most of all, I want to see if a guy will notice me.

Cuz if he does for the first time in my life, I'll feel _special. _

Just on a random note, I also want to feel like I'm worth a guy's time and I want to be told I'm pretty or beautiful, by a guy, not by my family and friends.

_Hayley, I'm sorry I've been a bad friend to you. I'm sorry I was blind. But I'm trying; I really am, to do better._

_Can't you do what I try to do-help me? Ask if I'm okay. All of those questions. You've been an awesome friend to me, I swear. Please continue and try to do…more._

_I love helping people, especially you and my friends, but this time, I need you to help me._

_Lauren, I'm sorry I was so blind last year and summer. I'm sorry I've been a horrible friend to you lately. It's just…I need help. I can't handle this alone._

_Veronica, you're one of my best friends. I love you to death, and you've helped me through so freaking much._

_But this time, I want to help __you. __I've been so blind and oblivious to your problems cuz I've been caught in y own. I don't think you can help me too much this time. But I know I can help you._

_**Invisible**_

_** Forgotten**_

_** Ignored**_

It's how I've always been treated.

And I'm just so tired of it.


End file.
